The Pitfalls of Vague New Year’s Resolutions (and Why They Usually Don’t Stick)

Every January, we’re told this is the year. The year we finally get it together. The year we “do better,” “be healthier,” or “work on ourselves.”

And by mid-February, many of those resolutions are quietly abandoned—often with a side of guilt and self-criticism.

The problem isn’t that you lack motivation or willpower. The problem is that most New Year’s resolutions are too vague to be helpful and too harsh to be sustainable.

Why Vague Resolutions Set Us Up to Fail

Resolutions like:

• “I want to be healthier.”

• “I’m going to manage my stress better.”

• “I need to work on my mental health.”

• 
  

sound good—but they don’t give your brain anything concrete to work with. When goals are unclear, it’s impossible to know:

• where to start

• whether you’re making progress

• or when you’ve actually succeeded

This can quickly lead to frustration, avoidance, and that familiar inner voice that says, “See? You never follow through.”

For people living with anxiety, trauma histories, ADHD, or depression, vague goals can feel especially overwhelming. When everything feels like it needs to change, the nervous system often responds by shutting things down entirely.

Enter SMART Goals (Without the Pressure)

SMART goals get a bad reputation for sounding corporate or rigid, but at their core, they’re simply about making goals clear, realistic, and kinder to your nervous system.

A SMART goal is:

• Specific – clearly defined

• Measurable – you can tell if it’s happening

• Achievable – realistic for your life right now

• Relevant – meaningful to you

• Time-bound – has a gentle structure

For example, instead of:

“I want to manage my stress better.”

You might try:

“I will take a 10-minute walk three evenings a week after work for the next month.”

That’s not about perfection—it’s about clarity.

Why This Approach Is More Compassionate

SMART goals aren’t about doing more or pushing harder. They’re about working with how humans actually function, especially under stress.

Clear, achievable goals:

• reduce overwhelm

• increase follow-through

• build confidence through small wins

• help your brain feel safer trying something new

And if a goal turns out not to be realistic? That’s not failure—that’s information. Goals can be adjusted. You are allowed to pivot.

A Gentle Reframe for the New Year

Instead of asking:

“How can I fix myself this year?”

Try asking:

“What would feel supportive, steady, and doable right now?”

Growth doesn’t have to be dramatic to be meaningful. Small, consistent steps—taken with compassion—often lead to the most lasting change.

And if setting goals brings up frustration, shame, or old patterns of self-criticism, that’s something worth exploring too. You don’t have to navigate it alone.

A Gentle Reflection

If this time of year brings up pressure, guilt, or a sense that you’re already behind, pause here for a moment.

There is no universal timeline for healing, growth, or change. You are not late. You are not failing. You are responding to your life, your circumstances, and your nervous system the best way you know how.

Instead of asking yourself what you should be doing, consider this question instead:

What does progress look like for me—not for anyone else?

Progress might be consistency, rest, setting one boundary, or simply noticing what you need. It doesn’t have to be dramatic or Instagram-worthy to matter.